Farewell to Ruby - My Companion

Today at 9:30 a.m. Ruby, my dog, passed away. I couldn't watch. Like a coward I went into my bedroom and bawled like a baby while the deed was done by a compassionate vet from a company called Compassionate Care here in the Portland, Oregon. After it was over, I spent a few minutes with her lifeless body, and then helped the vet put her on a stretcher and carry her to the car. Her last stop is at Dignified Pet Services, where she will be cremated.

Who was Ruby? Well, I adopted her in late 2004 from Golden Bond Rescue, who deal in Golden Retrievers who need homes. Ruby had a hard first six years of life. She was a breeding dog and had lived her life in a 6x12 kennel pushing out puppies at a mill. When she was six, the breeder got rid of her and a family adopted her back east. She was dumped again and ended up in a few foster homes in Oregon before she came into my life.

Ruby didn't have many social skills. I never knew a dog that didn't know how to play. When I first brought her home, I bought toys and balls like any owner would do. She looked at them totally clueless as to what they were used for. As much as I tried to teach her to play, she never caught onto the idea. I spent hours on my belly rolling balls her way that she merely stared at and then looked at me with confused eyes. Ruby didn't like sleeping on soft beds either. The hard tile floor near my front door was her favorite spot. I guess she was just use to sleeping on concrete.

She was a good dog too. Never chewed anything up. Never barked, unless I left her alone more than 9 hours at a time. Then I'd come home and she'd give me one resounding disapproving "woof" to let me know of her displeasure. She never messed inside and behaved well. Her favorite thing to do was to lean into my green recliner and make me stroke the side of her body for hours on end while I watched TV. When I tried to stop, she would just nudge me for more. Her favorite treat was popcorn, and I swear she ate more in the bag than I did.

She feared firecrackers, and the 4th of July and New Years were always a trying time for her. She also shrunk away when I brought the broom out for the first time around her, which told me that she had been abused in the past. However, she never barked at the vacuum when it was running or tried to bite it like my last dog.

Ruby was friendly to everyone - a tail wagging loveable girl. She even liked sleeping with my neighbor's cat, Bentlley, when she watched her when I went away on trips.

In the past two months her health declined. She had a sore on her paw that wouldn't heal, and I took her to the vet. After examination they told me she had a cancerous mass in her mouth. I never knew dogs could get cancer in their mouths, but I guess it's a prevalant place. We tried six weeks of antibiotics to heal her paw, but it never got better - only worse. She started bleeding from her mouth periodically. Finally, Saturday she stopped eating altogether, and Sunday was her last lick of water. I guess she was just tired of hurting and was trying to die. Perhaps she forgives me for helping her go at the end.

This is the second dog I've had to put down, and it never seems to get easier. I feel like I'm killing them, rather then helping them. Even though I prayed the Lord would just let her die in her sleep these past days, it was obvious it wasn't going to happen for a few more. It was too painful to watch her when she got to the point that she could no longer stand to go outside and she would lift her sad eyes to find me. Ruby was nearly blind too.

So this morning she walked across the Rainbow Bridge, that place we mortal humans make believe our dogs have run off to when they have died. I guess the image of her romping around the green grass with other dogs and cats that have passed over the bridge is somehow comforting. However, I also remember the scripture that an aniimal's soul just returns to the dust from where it came. I guess the heaven of Rainbow Bridge sounds much better than to think Ruby has ceased to exist in any manner of body or soul.

I hate death. The older I get the stranger the cycle of life and death becomes to me. Billions have gone to that "undiscovered country" before us. When you think about the centuries past, I guess we are like the Bible says a vapor that appears for a brief moment upon this earth and then disappears. Ruby's vapor last for 12 years, and for the last five she graced my life.

Rest in peace, Ruby. For some reason, my world even feels emptier without you waiting for me to come home.

Vicki

All The Lonely People

Wow, what a shock! I was eating my lunch and thought I would check the stats on my blog today. Just One Single is my my second most popular blog; Lessons From the Phantom of the Opera is number one.

Occasionally, I check what are the most popular posts being read and the most popular search terms that land people upon my blogs. Frankly, my discovery today nearly brought me to tears.

For my Just One Single blog, the most read page is a little post I did some time back entitled, "Why Can't I Find Love?" I discovered today from the stats on Google analytics tracking my site that that question is the most popular search term entered, which leads people to this blog. That is so sad that I want to run out and hug every one of you!

Here are the search terms in order of popularity - if you can call it that:

1. Why can't I find love
2. Can't find love
3. Why can't I find love and happiness
4. Why I cannot find love
5. I can't find love

I will admit, the question stays unanswered for me too, though I don't ask it as much as I use to in the past 11 years. It seems, however, there are plenty of people asking the same question; suddenly I don't feel so alone.

Not to get religious on all of you, but there is a sentence in the Bible that might contain one answer to the quandary:

"Because lawlessness will increase, the love of many people will grow cold."
(Matthew 24:12)

Whether you take that statement as truth or not, it seems to me it's coming to pass in my lifetime. Society is changing. Values are changing. Morals are changing. Violence is more prevalent in television, movies, games, other forms of entertainment, and real life. Have all these changes affected our ability to love one another because our hearts are becoming hard? Is the society we live in deadening our emotions? Are we merely victims of social change running around asking why...why? I am seriously beginning to wonder.

Perhaps it would make me feel better if I could blame my loneliness on a prophetic word spoken in the Bible rather than telling myself I can't find love because I'm not worth it in some man's eyes. All I know, is that I am apparently not alone. The search queries testify to that fact.

Singles are looking to the Almighty Google for answers! No doubt they try yelling Yahoo! as well, hoping to find the answer to their question - why can't I find love?

If you find the answer buried in some search engine, please let me know. And please know, you are not alone in your search for an answer to that question in life.

Hugs to you all!

Sincerely,
Vicki

Single Accomplishment

Since this is my blog, I guess I'm allowed to talk about my "single" accomplishment of releasing my third book - "The Phantom of Valletta."

It's a continuation of the infamous story of the Phantom of the Opera as penned by Gaston Leroux. It's now available for purchase in paperback on Amazon and also on BooksonBoard.com in all formats imaginable.

It's a wonderful story of mystery, suspense, and, of course, love. If you need a good night by yourself reading a book, I hope you'll order a copy. If you'd rather hang out in a 19th Century brothel instead of an opera house, don't forget about my other work -The Price of Innocence.

Regards,
Vicki

The Need to be Seen

I've been hibernating an awful lot lately, mostly because I'm wrapping up my newest release, The Phantom of Valletta. If you never written a book, I can tell you it can suck the life out of you. It devours your time, emotions, and social life. Frankly, it can be hazardous to your health sitting on your rear for 10 hours at a time typing because some muse won't leave you an hour of peace! Okay, got that out.

Lately, though, I've had a odd sense about single life, and I've noticed another express the same feeling to me lately too; and that is that sometimes we feel like ghosts walking through life. We're having this overwhelming need to be seen. Do you ever feel that way? I know I have, and I think that's the reason I log into Facebook a thousand times a day waiting for wall posts or checking my email every 15 seconds for the next note to Mr. Vick for Viagra. I'm always seeking validation I exist.

I think our fast-paced life that has thrown us into the clutches of Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, iPods, iPhones, Blackberrys, 3G's, Googles, Yahoos and whatever else is out there, really does rob us of being seen. People are disappearing into technology, and that fact is very evident to me at work. Employees walk around with their iPhones in their face never lifting their heads to see who passed by them; or if they are in a meeting, they're eyes are glued to the 2x4 inch screens rather than the attendees across the table. No one looks at anyone in the eye anymore! Checking out the newest app these days is more interesting than the human being sitting next to you. In the end, social interaction is getting pretty weird these days.

I recently saw a stage play called Love Never Dies, which is the sequel to the Phantom of the Opera. Lots of controversy around that subject, but nonetheless there are some good lessons to be learned in the story whether you like it or not. One in particular is about a character called Meg Giry. All she wants is to be "seen." It sort of tears your heart out, because she's a woman who has blended into obscurity even though she has very public life of performing in front of others. You think she would get her need to be seen from what she does - don't we all? Whether it's a job, talent, or gift we share. But those around her that she loves the most have tuned her out, so to speak. She’s like anybody else really crying on the inside – please see me and tell me you care! I'm not a ghost, I'm flesh and blood.

I am often amazed at married couples that spend hours behind technology rather than interacting with their mate. Sorry, but I just don't understand it! I'd kill for an hour face to face with a man across the table, or next to me on a couch, or his arm around me in bed. Yet those who have that gift, don't seem to realize its importance. Technology has taken its place.

As the years pass by and technology takes over more of our lives, I'm seeing more single ghosts walking on this earth and even married ghosts for that matter. We've all hidden ourselves behind the latest technology in our hand or the computer screens in front of our eyes. We turn to the latest wall post, friend request, email, tweet, app, game, or whatever it is to lose ourselves. We're all becoming ghosts, more and more disconnected, when we keep telling ourselves technology is connecting us better.

So if you have those days of walking about feeling like a ghost in the world, you're not alone. It seems to be a growing problem. Maybe if we just hung up the phone, turned off the computer, and lifted our heads to look around us it might help. What a novel idea to look at another living, breathing human being. Perhaps it will catch on again some day. I hear we're entering into a season of sun spots that could knock out all communication! Wow, we'll have to learn how to talk to one another again if that happens. ;-)

Vicki

Finding Purpose

An author by the name of Rick Warren wrote a book entitled, "The Purpose Driven Life."  It's written by a Christian and was very popular.  I have to admit, I started to read it, but didn't finish it.  I skimmed the majority, because some of the theology wasn't to my liking. Whether you accept his premise that all things whether good or evil are part of some master plan and purpose is entirely up to you.  What I do agree upon is that without purpose in life there is no purpose.  It's been a stark lesson I've become acutely aware of lately in my own life.

Of course, this relates to being single.  I'm not talking to all you married folks out there with spouses, family, and children who give you purpose.  I'm talking to solitary singles, like myself, without spouses, siblings, parents, close family, or have children who are far off - it will be you who relate to what I'm about to confess.  As you know by now, I'm not afraid to bare my soul regarding my single feelings.  You'd probably be surprised too over the emails I receive that tell me, "gee you just expressed exactly what I'm feeling!" 

The first five months of 2010 have been a real bear for me personally.  I've discovered that without purpose, I'm pretty much a miserable soul.  It doesn't matter what kind of purpose I have, as long as it's some purpose and goal to look forward to.  Otherwise, what's the purpose?  (Excuse the pun.)

When I planned my trip to England and finally went in March of this year, I was probably the happiest I've been in a long time.  I had something to look forward to that I dreamed about my entire life.  I had drive, purpose, and a destination for me to reach.  It gave me purpose in life.

My second book, which is in the process of completion, filled many weeks with hard work.  Finishing the manuscript was an achieved goal and now it will soon be published and that purpose will be over. 

When I don't have purpose in something, I become acutely and painfully aware that I don't have purpose in much of anything.  I exist.  I get up and go to work.  I come home and feed the dog.  I go to sleep, wake up, and do it all over again.  That's my purpose.  Is it fulfilling?  No.

A loving spouse can give you purpose.  Children to care for and be with can give you purpose.  Mothers, fathers, and siblings can give you purpose.  However, if you have huge voids in your life in this area you start to feel like a fish flopping on the shore gasping for air, because you can no longer swim to any destination with purpose.

It's quite obvious as I struggle with my own loneliness and empty life that when I do not have something - rather than someone - to keep me focused with purpose, I struggle like that fish.  I have to flop myself back in the water, wiggle down the current, and find another source of purpose or goal to achieve.  Will it be the next book?  Will it be the next trip?  

I ask the question often too, so what is my purpose?  My friend Bethany will scream at me for writing this article, because she thinks my purpose is to write and touch others.  Maybe.  But do I have to experience everyone's pain in order to empathize?  Geesh, such purpose.  I'd rather have purpose to love a man, embrace a new family, hold children in my arms, and have loving companionship.  That is my ideal for purpose.  Is my life really some sort of master plan that I'm living?  Is this my purpose?

Of course, I do have things to be thankful for, and that should give me purpose.  I'm not under a bridge.  I have food on the table, a roof over my head, and a good paycheck.  Yes, but those things take care of my physical needs, not my emotional needs, and there is a vast difference.  I can feed my body, feed my spirit, but I'm still a living soul that needs to be loved and touched and that is the purpose I long to experience. Frankly, I just wish for that purpose to live before I die.

Sincerely,

JustOneSingle

It's a Stacked Deck

Ah, the single life. The only thing it seems to be saving me from these days is being the victim of infidelity. With all the news of happy marriages gone south due to infidelity on the part of the spouse, I don't have to deal with the broken heart of a Woods or Bullock. I often bemoan my lonely existence, but the alternative doesn't look much better.

I recently heard on the news that it is estimated that roughly 30-60% of all married individuals in the United States will engage in infidelity in their marriage and these are "conservative" estimates. On top of it folks, half of all marriages will end in divorce. There is only one thing to say - the deck is stacked against us singles.

With stats like that, I often fear entering into another relationship if that's the projected outcome. I already know that most second and third marriages have higher rates of failed marriages than first. I blame that on people taking their problems from marriage to marriage and not cleaning the suitcase of problems before they go on their next honeymoon.

However, even more disturbing is the fact that as you look at the person at the altar you're about to marry nowadays, there's a greater than 50% chance they're going to sleep with someone besides you! Gosh, what a horrible thought. My trust in the opposite sex is already at rock bottom thanks to my past experiences, so how does one trust again? I often thought too that my own religious beliefs would shield me from having to experience infidelity, but even the "faithful" are falling to temptation. There is no guarantee any longer.

I really must admit, I hate the world we live in these days. Perhaps that sounds sad, but I truly have lost faith. Morality my friends is a joke and though we think it has no consequences on society or upon us as individuals, it's quite apparent that it does. We're turning into a society of untrustworthy, deceitful, self-centered individuals that seek pleasure. And what does the pleasure bring us? Broken lives, broken families, and broken hearts.

Perhaps I'm on my soapbox today, but it's obvious after 10 years of singleness the deck is getting stacked higher and higher against me. I often thought after spending so many years without love that I've been dealt a bum hand in life. However, even if another hand is dealt me and I find someone to love, will it still be a bum hand? Hard to know if I'll ever find my King of Hearts now.

Okay, I'm done ranting. I have more problems - it's time for another oil change. Where are the men when you need them?

Vicki