Saturday, March 8, 2008

Why Can't I Find Love?

Why can't I find love? Boy, that's a question that haunts me every day. It's such a basic human need, yet it seems so hard to attain; and then once you attain it, it seems so hard to hang onto. There are days I'm at a total loss as to why I've been single since November 1999. It's a question that baffles me.

As far as I'm concerned, the ability to live totally happily and totally fulfilled as a single individual is a gift. Unfortunately, it's not a gift I possess, and to tell you the truth, it's not a gift I want either. I'm a people person. I'm the type that likes to support someone, love someone, care about someone, and be loved in return. I'm the type that hums the songs like, "Love is a Many Splendid Thing."

"Love is a many splendid thing. It's the April rose, that only grows in the early Spring. Love is natures way of giving, a reason to be living. The golden crown that makes a man a king. Once on a high and windy hill. In the morning mist, two lovers kissed, and the world stood still. Then your fingers touched my silent heart, and taught it how to sing. Yes, true love is a many splendid thing!"

If love is such a splendid thing, then why is it so hard to find? Why are we so picky in our choices with one another? The majority of us come from broken homes, broken marriages, and broken lives. You think we'd do anything to attain love and keep love, but unfortunately we don't. We forget to cherish it, take care of it, water it, and hang onto it when we have it.

I don't know what the answer is. I don't know what single site to search or what single group to attend. My son thinks I try too hard and I should give up. His philosophy is then it will happen. I'm to the point I've lost all hope of ever finding it again. Maybe when the hope dies, then it will happen. What do you think? Is love a many splendid thing for you or are you a happy satisfied single?

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I agree that relationships can be challenging. In fact, I’ve tried pretty much everything. Now my friend, psychologist Dr. Alexander, showed me what’s been missing. I was looking at the wrong type for me. If you go on Dr. Alexander’s new site, www.loveTypes.com, and take the quiz, you’ll find the type that’s best for you.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Alexandre Costa said...

I was amazed by this post. It mirrors my thoughts and my feelings! I don't know the answer either.
Last comments hint a materealistic society where love doesn't come in because it is viewed as "weak".
But this is only a small part of the explanation.
Dispite new ways of comunication (internet, cell phones, etc) people are more closed on themselfs, physically and emotionally. Life is not lived intensely as it was in the past, people are affraid to be courageous because they're afraid of suffering. But the whole point of living is to risk!
A lot more could be said about men and women but not on a blog comment... In the end, this sad world of lonely people sadden me...

Anonymous said...

Wow! When I read that it was like reading my thoughts. I am like you with the fact that I want love...just don't know how to attain it or which direction to follow in order to find it. Maybe if I stop looking, it might actually happen, but then again, I probably wouldn't know it, because unfortunately I am blinded on that sort of thing. Anyway, I enjoyed your blog, and your writing is very beautiful. Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

I found your post doing a search for "Why can't I find love?". Hoping in vain that there would be some magical answer that would be there is a link. What I did find is find is the unfortunate fact that I am not alone in my search. I have heard from many people/sources that the key is giving up and it will find you. But that brings me to another question. How does one truly give up on something that they want more than anything? I have tried to hide my desire for love but I cannot completely get rid of it. If I gave up then I wouldn't want it. Who knows? I surely don't.

Alexandre Costa said...

I'm still seeking an answer. I may not be politically correct on my assertions but I think the answer lies on... selfishness!
Reflect on these words:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres"
We rarely do this on romantic love. Love is giving. Why aren't we corresponded when our feelings are sincere and generous?! The simple answer is because people want good genes to mate, they don't really seek "love". Woman seek the "alpha" male and men seek the princess face and body. We trick ourselfs to think otherwise... we delude ourselfs in so many other things in life... this is just another...

AviRockz said...

i feel u. i am exactly in the same position and feel the same way. been single for a long time and cant find the love i need. have lost hope and don't knw what to do

Anonymous said...

i dont know if you are still single but i am also like you.I think you probably have not found love with a man yet because you have a child. [i dont know how old he is]Anyway this is why i have not found a relationship.I have been single for 8 years and all my time has been taken up looking after my daughter who is 8.Ive believed in fate but ive got to get out there meeting men first.Id like a man to love me, and me him, and a relationship to be based on love not physical attraction, of course if you love someone thats what makes them attractive ,for me anyway. but i am still single.

Alexandre Costa said...

"of course if you love someone thats what makes them attractive ,for me anyway." Perfect circle... eheh! Of course there as to be some physical attraction...
I see your point and you are right. But I tell you this: I am a man and I have fell in love with a divorced woman that has a child (8 years old at the time)... and guess what? She rejected me. She just didn't like me that way.
Sex is elitist. You have to find someone you love and loves you back, which greatly reduces the odds.
I believe that since men are less emotional when comes to relationships, they would have a harder time when comes to getting a girlfriend, specially when they aren't the hottest guy in the neighborhood.

Anonymous said...

Can't find love and that feeling definitely is heart-wrenching, but life goes on weather you like it or not, you just have to keep trying and trying and trying...getting your heart broken every single time, but still holding on and persevering. I keep asking myself why..why I keep putting myself through this...I guess it's because...somewhere... deep down I truly believe...I'll have it and I REFUSE to just sit down and do nothing about it.

Anonymous said...

I knw wat u mean to be honest i have found luv abt three times but everytime ive become so unlucky abt it.My1st luv pass away and i got really sad and miserable tht i actually gave up on luv cause i can never get over her but thought again is this wat the person wants me to do so? i started searchin again but i failed 2 other times wen i finally found it ill say like wat the previous commit says tht the internet cellphone etc just makes findin luv alot harder which is ironic cause this stuff r suppose to make communication easier but it doesnt Im just too young to give up on luv i shld try harder i dont care how many times ill fall cause i knw in the end if i found luv it will be worth it

susan said...

i do not beleive that we are designed to be alone, and it is this that keeps me ever hopeful.
why have i not found love again? i do not know...i sure do everything 'the books/websites/advisors' say

i blogged recently on this and fear i am starting to sound bitter and twisted...but really, it''s just the honesty of frustration and loneliness of being a single in a couples world

(single-minded-endeavours.blogspot.com)

Juno said...

I'm single and have been for a while. I don't prefer to be single but I've gotten to the point where I believe I can have a happy, fulfilling life without a relationship. There's the danger of becoming self-absorbed or isolated and it takes work to become involved in the community but I do feel connected to others. I have also shed some of the self-limiting attitudes that some singles have and I've come to view my life in a much more positive light.

Anonymous said...

I have been looking and God is first. She has to have blue eyes and slender. I just cannot find who I am looking for. I will know her when I see her but I am wondering if she exist in this country. This is the strange thing, I keep getting the same woman's face in visions or glimpes I mean I keep seeing her face. I just do not understand it.

Anonymous said...

I have searched and searched I've been cheated on and stood up. I hate the dating seen. I have found 2 women in my life that I would have spent the rest of my life with. But one was my friends Girlfriend who was in love with me But I could not do that to him. The other is an old friend who cant give up the man that cheated on her.She said she was in love with me and she talked about leaving him but I don't think she ever will. She was the last one. I give up.I'm tired of finding and losing. I am forever destined to be alone.

Anonymous said...

This is a question I've asked myself for a long time...why can't I find love? I've been divorced for 6 years and have dated off and on, but I'm a relationship kind of guy. I like something stable and enjoy the having someone special, as a companion and "partner in crime". But lately, my luck with finding and holding on to a relationship has seemed to run out. I can't seem to figure it out either; I'm an caring,intelligent, good lucking man, in my late 30's, who is a professional and dedicated family man. As much as I work hard, I enjoy my down time as well. I've tried the dating sites, but it always seems that my honesty and "good guy" approach seems to be my downfall. Perhaps it's that these women I think I'm interested in are really looking for a "bad boy"? or that maybe these women I seek really aren't my type...I'm at loss. I'm ok with being single, but I truly do seek a meaningful relationship and would so much love to fall in love again with a soulmate. I

Ordinary Man said...

It's hard seeking love, I know I'm suppose to get out and mingle and not stay shut in but when you keep coming up short or meeting the wrong ones it gets tough. I wish I knew why I can't find love, a real commitment having someone who's gonna be there for me thru good times and bad times. I wish I could have that special person right now in my life.... It get so depressing thinking about it, then I start blaming myself maybe I'm the cause of my single life. I just wish I could be bless with a woman who's really gonna love me unconditional.

susan said...

i read somewhere than 99.0% of the people you met are never going to be right. sometimes it's a numbers game. that includes patience and deliberate action.

Rosetta said...

I happened upon your blog while looking for others like mine, which is the 40+ Weekender, with suggestions of fun things that single Chicagoans over 40 can do on the weekends -- when it can be so challenging to find unattached friends to hang out with. You can check it out here: http://40plussoloweekender.blogspot.com/

Finding Sunday brunch spots that don't feel weird for a single is a special interest, but, like you, I like to review the occasional Netflix film :)

Anonymous said...

i am a straight man that is trying to find love again, especially after a divorce. it is very hard connecting with the right woman again for me, and many of the women today are playing very hard to get. now so many women today have an attitude problem, and they are not looking for men like they use to.

ThereIsaRainbowInPagham said...

In desperation and trying to seek answers From Beyond (!) I also typed in "Why can't i find Love" into the search engine and arrived at your blog.

I am genuinely horrified and feel very sad that there are millions of people asking the same question.

There is a phenomenon that I like to call The Lost Generation - this generation has no identity anymore, it got lost and no-one knows who they are anymore or who anyone else is either. Gender roles have changed and people are confused.

I like to think of myself as a reasonably attractive and competent woman... there is no baggage, I under 40. I have a great house, car, lifestyle, a few friends I can count on one hand... but are guys attracted to me, do they ask me out ? No... I paint, play the piano, laugh at myself... I don't understand.

And, my friends, neither does anyone else. I work with women aged from 19 to 60 - I was very surprised when I heard the 19-30's had been dateless longer than I have...

So you have to ask yourself... why. Why are people not in relationships, why aren't men asking women out like they used to and why are we using search engines because we want to cuddle up to someone?

When someone has the answer, you'll find me at number one, at the end of the bar (I stole that from Marillion!) Humph !!!!!

monika said...

OMG out of sheer desperation I typed in as to why I never found love. I am 43 and I has never been in love before but yet has been in a few relationships but nothing to be excited about. I am a very down to earth person and I am also a very spiritual person, I am so much aware of my surroundings that I can differentiate love from pure lust. If I was to meet my husband this moment I would know straight away, but unfortunately he has not arrived or maybe he may never.

We all have different definition of love but if you love someone, you should accept people for who they are, you come to love and not by finding the perfect person but by seeing the imperfect person perfectly and it's a shame to see that physical beauty has taken per-incident over love. It's a sad position to be in for anyone who will wants to give love and receive love. I am trying my best to by pragmatic about this life and to accept things that I cannot change. Theres a lot of false people in this society and one got to be careful not to fall victim of then, hence I rather be alone than to be unhappy. Material things has played a huge part in finding love, some people love with strings attached too. I am still hoping that one day I will find someone that we share common grounds with. But come to think of it most of my fruitful
and fertile life has been lost out through loneliness now at 43 all I need now is mostly companion, am not sure about this romantic part, but hopefully someone can bring back that sparks I had once. Until then the thoughts continued.