Sunday, March 16, 2008

Dealing with the "Ex's" Last Name

I suppose since most of my readers are divorced, this article may have some relevance to divorced women only. Men, this probably won't apply to you since you get to keep your last name throughout life, unless you're entering into the witness protection program. Since this is going to be on a more personal level, I've changed the names to protect the innocent. (Just kidding...I'm leaving blanks instead.)

So my ex has finally found someone after 8+ years of us being divorced. I've had a variety of feelings regarding this whole situation that I find somewhat puzzling, but I'm not going there in this post.

I truly have no feelings for him any longer. He's the father of my son. We had kept somewhat of a friendship over the years, and I somewhat depended on him as well. However, I have talked to him very little since this new woman has come into his life. He dropped the bomb on me during our Thanksgiving dinner last November that he had met someone, which was pretty rotten timing I thought. I had a fairly good cry over it when I came home. Frankly, I don't know why. Perhaps because I felt like I was losing a friend through this all and some sense of security was leaving as well.

Now that he remarried, I'm having an identity crisis. I still have my married name. After the divorce, I didn't revert to my maiden name because it's Ukraine and nobody can spell it, let alone pronounce it. I have a very strange feeling, however, that I suddenly need to change my name either back to my maiden name or something else. Why? I guess because another woman is going to be Mrs. ______ and I'm officially losing my my position and title. Sort of a finality in it. I guess there's lot to be said what's in a name. I just feel like since the title and position is being given to another, I can't and don't want to keep this name! I'm not the Mrs. anymore, and frankly, I don't know who I am.

I guess you could say I'm going through an identity crisis by all this. Since I'm still living in solitude and not dating, what's the point of keeping a married name that no longer means anything? Maybe I need a new start and changing my name will help. I don't really look forward to changing my credit cards, my bills, my bank, my paychecks, my lease, my driver's license, my registration, my insurance, and my whatever. It will be a pain in the neck for sure. But I suddenly don't want to be associated by a name that is not mine. It was bestowed upon me as a result of marriage. I didn't take it by choice. I kept it by choice because we still had somewhat of a relationship. Now that's it's being given to another, I no longer need that name.

Am I crazy? I don't know. All I know is I have to find who I am. I'm not Mrs. Whatever any longer. I'm Ms. or Miss Whatever. I had thought of taking my mother's maiden name, which is very English, very easy to pronounce, and it has the same initials as what I have now! That would save a few pen strokes.

So what's your vote? Got any good names I should consider? Should I go back to my Ukraine difficult identity, or pick something else. Maybe when I do, I will finally be able to let go completely of the memories and the pain associated with a broken marriage. Maybe with my new name, things will look up!