Saturday, July 4, 2009

Online Dating Sites

All right, folks, hold onto your computers. I'm about to spill my guts and complain on the worldwide Internet once again. Now that my disclaimer is out, here's my beef today - online dating sites.

All this week a certain popular online dating service advertised on television "view your matches for free" this weekend. After 10 years of single life, I can honestly admit I have probably paid over a thousand dollars to various online dating services on the Internet looking for love. You name it, I've been there: Match, PerfectMatch, eHarmony, Matchmaker, PeopleMatch, MingleMatch, Yahoo, Chemistry, and a bunch others that I can't even remember their name. If you've read my entire blog, you know about my one online disaster in 2001-2004. If you ever think of relocating for love, read it!

Okay, so it's been two years since I've tried online dating. I did talk to some guy for three weeks over the telephone that I had hit it off pretty good with. We had wonderful intelligent and honest conversations. After driving three hours on the other side of the state to meet him for lunch, it was just another rejection. An awkward moment going down in the history books. Driving back three hours, takes you through a desolate stretch of land in eastern Oregon. Frustrated as hell, I pulled over the side of the road, got out of my car, and screamed into no-where land at the top of my lungs I'd never do this again....and yes, I cried.

Well, I succumbed to the free trial again this weekend. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. Took me a full hour to fill out the questionnaire so they could make sure I wasn't a psycho before being accepted. Of course, do people really answer these things truthfully? It's very easy to check "yes I never get mad" when in fact you have a raging temper from hell. People lie all the time, so I doubt an hour's worth of clicking on circular dots answering questions that spin your head is really going to be 100% accurate for anyone. By now most are wise to this service. If you answer the questions that indicate you're mentally incapable of having a relationship, you can't play inside the sand box with the others.

I finished the thing once again, and instantly 10 matches were flown my way. Some of them looked interesting, but I'm not allowed to look at the pictures because I'm not a paying member. What's up with that anyway? After reading all the possibilities, I still didn't have the heart to contact anyone. Of course, I had only been on the site an hour and it was time for bed.

This morning I woke up, logged on, and someone communicated with me - Al. Hi Al! Read his profile...hummm...fairly interesting. One of his interests happened to be writing! I did not, however, contact him back right away. Thought I would have breakfast first, and suddenly I received a message he had closed me out. The reason? "I don't feel that the chemistry is there."

Chemistry? Wait a minute. How can you determine "chemistry" when we haven't met? Then I remembered, that's why I quit this site before, and actually I wrote the dating gurus who own the place an email about that dumb comment suggesting it be removed. How can anyone determine chemistry over the computer? By a picture? By typed words? By reading a person's profile and never communicating? Perhaps this statement is suppose to be a kind phrase instead of saying I think your just plain ugly and don't wish to get to know you. (Don't get me started on that one!) Of course, if he was on a free trial, he couldn't see my picture anyway.

Chemistry, in my opinion, is that feeling you get when someone touches you. It's the charisma between two people that sparks when you're near each other physically. It's the touch of a man or woman that makes you melt. Chemistry is something that can only be felt personally in real life, not through the Internet cable connection on your computer. At least I haven't felt chemistry oozing through my keyboard coming my way. Have you?

:Big Sigh:

Back in February of this year, a movie was released called, "He's Just Not That Into You." There was one line in there that really said it all:
“I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.”
It is exhausting. I'm off to delete my profile once again and throw in the towel. There just has to be a better way.

Your ranting single,


carol said...

that is so true. sometimes, online dating--or social media sites in general--tend to be too impersonal. well, that's based on my opinion. you cannot say chemistry if you haven't met in the first place, and to think that you haven't got the chance to reply yet.

Scott said...

I wrote this in one of my Woody Allen moments. It seems pertinent to your discussion:

I've often found that the best relationships begin with a sort of shared self loathing that progresses into a symbiotic level of narcissism that is slightly less than a full blown delusion (example: Look at us. We hold hands and kiss in public and do not care what you think.) Shortly thereafter, the love collapses under its own gravity - it implodes and forms two impenetrable spheres not unlike neutron stars. Consequently, you then see all these dating sites where collapsed egos are attempting to connect to other collapsed egos and, well, it is then that impenetrable spheres collide.

Vicki Hopkins said...

Scott! Great! Loved your Woody Allen moment! I am truly one collapsed ego looking to collide. If and when it happens, I hope the sparks fly.

jonathan said...

I have no idea what to say about chemistry. It is just the feel of a "click" between us and the other person. But that doesn't mean we will be able to go through, to go on well.

Riette said...

Hi everyone, It's the first time I've read Vicky's blog, and it's like reading exactly what I feel!

Just my opinion on the whole chemistry thing: Dating is (these days) like ordering fast food... You walk into McDonalds thinking of ordering a Cheese burger, but when the person behind the counter asks you what you'll be having, you automatically utter the words BIG MAC. On the spot change of choice.

Now, comparing that with dating might sound strange, but hey.. Today i'm on the net browsing for mr. Perfect, and the quality of the day is say ' Gentle, Honest, loves to read', where tomorrow I might be looking for someone who's Active, loves outdoors and Kite Surfing..

After all my rambling, the point I'd like to make about ' Chemistry ' is that unfortunately it isn't used in the manner it's suppposed to be.. Chemistry should read ' Flavour of the Day'... For this Fast Food Nation that we are...

Margaret said...

I just stumbled onto your blog for the first time, and I too, am curious about what they're thinking with that "chemistry isn't there" business. I would never check that based on an online profile. I'm thinking if they're shallow enough to check it, then they've saved me time dealing with their immaturity.

Nancy said...

dating is not a bad idea but when it gets too impersonal and when some kind of chemistry begins, it will take a different direction
and i have seen a lot of them facing some or the other kind of problem
it's my opinion
Relationship Advice

Nancy said...

dating is not a bad idea but when it gets too impersonal and when some kind of chemistry begins, it will take a different direction
and i have seen a lot of them facing some or the other kind of problem
it's my opinion
Relationship Advice