Sunday, August 30, 2009

Overdrawn Checkbook Syndrome

Years ago when I tried to save my failing marriage, back in the dark ages, my ex-husband and I went to marriage counseling. It lasted about three sessions.

Well, anyway, I did learn something in my three 50-minute visits, and that was the analogy of the checking account. My counselor told us this: Marriage is like a checking account. You start off with a large deposit, and then each of you take withdrawals throughout the years from one another. However, if you don't continue to make deposits into the account, you'll eventually end up in the red - overdrawn as it were - ending in a bankrupt marriage.

That story always stuck in my head for some reason, but today it really hit home. Life was pressing in, and I remembered the checking account. I have a single checking account now. When I opened the account, it was a low beginning balance. Since I've had it for 10 years now, I've written checks and made deposits. Lately though, I think I've overdrawn myself. I'm feeling burned out, tired, lonely, neglected, always giving and writing checks, and never making deposits for myself in return. And dang it, I don't have overdraft protection either!

I guess this is turning into a personal checking account lesson in life, that as singles we are the ones who make the deposits into our own lives. We don't have spouses or boyfriends or whoever to replenish our dwindling funds with periodic deposits. If we're not careful, we can write too many checks spending our lives for others and end up overdrawn.

So today, I went to the beach. Took a three hour ride. Looked at the ocean and the white waves I hadn't seen in a year. Stuck my CD in and blared it full blast while traveling down the road. Stopped and had a fish fillet at MacDonalds, played a twenty spot and the casino, and came home.

I keep forgetting to make deposits into my own life. If I don't, one of these days somebody just might close my account for non-sufficient funds! Then I'd really be in trouble.

Take time for yourself folks! Make a few deposits. It helps when you're feel overdrawn.


Monday, August 17, 2009

Boiled Frog

Warning: This is going to be a weird post.

Lately I've arrived at a very strange point in my single life. I can't quite put it into words. It's sort of a combination of emotions where I have arrived at a new level of singleness. Let me explain.

Right now I feel pretty satisfied with life. I'm consumed doing something I love, which is writing. In addition, I'm busy with other things like hosting an Internet Radio Show, roleplaying with friends, and taking a trip soon to Vegas. I had a funny thought the other day that if I met someone, and I ended up getting married, I might have to give up some of these time-consuming activities! The thought actually scared me! I feel like I'm clinging to a security blanket, because I've come to love busyness as a substitution.

I'm not saying I don't still mumble to God about my single state, because I do. I still would love to be held, kissed, and have a good roll in the hay (pardon my frankness). However, I think I've come to a place of - that's all there is folks! I'm making the best of my life "as is."

For some nagging reason though I keep thinking of the story of the frog in the pot and am wondering if I'm just getting slowly boiled to death. You've probably heard about it. You put a frog in a kettle filled with cool water and then gradually heat the kettle until it starts boiling. The comfortable frog isn't aware of the changing temperature. When death is imminent, he feels the discomfort, but then it's too late and he ends up cooked! Why in the world I equate that to my single life is quite bizarre.

I guess I wonder if I'm that frog! I've been in the pot alone for 11 years now. I haven't noticed my heart becoming hard as a rock, my desires for love dying, or the fact I've come to accept a fate that might not even be mine! Perhaps I'm using my current life filled with busyness as a substitution for a loving and caring relationship. I have to admit too that getting in another relationship does scare the daylights out of me, and I use all sorts of excuses not to.

For now the water in the pot is comfortable, but I'm thinking if I stay in this frame of mind for too long I'm going to end up emotionally dead. Yes, I know, bizarre post. That is what happens when you write hungry.


P.S. I should dedicate this to my deceased mother who loved to eat frog legs. Yuck.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Count Your Blessings

This week at work was horrible! We had a heat wave come through our area and temperatures topped 111 right around the corner from where I live. To make things worse, the air conditioning at work was not working, and it was a stifling 88 degrees at my desk with hot hair blowing on top of my head.

Well, the heat was the topic of discussion around the water cooler. I went home early a few days and worked from my apartment, and mentioned to some of my coworkers it felt great to strip down to my undies before checking my email. After a few brows raised with the visual I gave, a married person mentioned how they wish they could run around the house with nothing on. Of course, with children afoot that made it impossible. Then the comments came once again from the married folks about how lucky I am to be single.

One remark sparked a discussion, and singles and married jumped right in. As much as we complain about single life, I must admit it does have its benefits. Here's a list of top 10 benefits we came up with:
  1. You get to walk around naked and not worry about who sees you. (Hum, except I always have to make sure my curtains are closed!)
  2. You can eat what you want, and you don't have to cook for others. (Thank God, my ex-husband always complained about my cooking.)
  3. You only have to clean up after yourself. (True, no dirty socks, towels on the floor, dishes left everywhere. If my house is a mess, it's my mess, and I find that less irritating for some strange reason.)
  4. You don't have to comprise during an argument. (I like that. No strife or butting heads. I always get my way.)
  5. You don't have to listen to someone else's snoring. (I confess though, I talk in my sleep and sometimes wake myself up!)
  6. No arguments over money. It's all yours and you can spend it as you like. (Though I wish I lived in a two-income household. I could use the extra cash!)
  7. You can come and go as you please. (It's your choice to hibernate or paint the town.)
  8. You only have to do your laundry. (Yipee! No more looking at men's briefs!)
  9. The toilet seat is ALWAYS down. (What woman isn't thankful for that?)
  10. And last, but not least, you have total control of the TV remote. (You're Queen of your entertainment domain.)
So I guess next time I'm in the dumps over my life of solitude, I'll read my top 10 blessings. "Count your blessings, name them one by one."


PS - If you have any others beyond my top 10, feel free to comment. Of course, my blessings are written from a woman's viewpoint. I'm sure the guys have their own take on it all! For some reason I think "no nagging" would be at the top of the list. ;-)