Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Fly On the Window

The fly on the window. What’s the analogy of that little ugly insect peering either into your window or out of it? Well, that became a topic of discussion between myself and a good friend at work. We both have the fly on the window syndrome. Let me explain.

My friend is blissfully married to a wonderful man she loves dearly, and her husband loves her in return. They have a beautiful home, wonderful grown children, grandchildren, and a great life together. She often shares with me her life, and I often share with her my own.

We have discovered over the years of our conversations that we are really both flies. I’m on the outside window peering in wishing I had a married life filled with love and family like she does. She’s on the inside window peering out wishing she could have moments of quiet, times alone, and the independence of single life. How odd!

Her window experience envies my freedom, especially when life overwhelms her. She thinks it would be great to occasionally come home to an empty house, not talk to anyone, spend the evening just doing whatever she wanted. In addition, my independence of not being tied down to another human being seems enticing too. There are times she’ll encourage me to just go for it, follow my dream, pick up and move, because there's nothing holding me back. Don’t get me wrong, she loves her husband, but there is a longing in her for space, private times, and no one around.

I, on the other hand, am the fly on the outside of the window peering in. I’m tired of coming home alone, having no one to talk to, spending the evening bored in a silent apartment that taunts my every move. I often hate my independence, though I’ve learned to deal with it. Frankly, it would be so nice to have a man to have dinner with, go to a concert, take a trip. I don’t care about the freedom to pick up and move anywhere. What’s the point if there’s no one to share your life with? I often think of the lyrics in a song,“I Want to Run to You" sung by Whitney Houston. Here are the poignant lines that hit home to my heart:

Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me
What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?

So yes, I guess in the end we are all flies on a window in some way. We are looking out or looking in wishing we had the lives on the other side of the plate glass longing for the things that lack in our own.

Oh well. I just hope somebody doesn’t pick up the newspaper and swat me! Now that would be the end of it, wouldn't it!