So I'm sitting here at my desk eating my Stouffer's Chicken à la King for lunch (360 calories by the way, in case you're counting), and I thought I'd do a quick post.
Anybody remember this song from The Righteous Brothers entitled, "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling?" In case you did, here are are a few of those lyrics:
You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Whoa, that lovin' feeling,
You've lost that lovin' feeling,
Now it's gone...gone...gone...wooooooh.
That realization popped into my brain the other day while I was hugging my new cat, Whiskers. I actually held something warm in my arms and felt something! It was like a slap across the face when I realized that I've come to a place in my life where I really have "lost that lovin' feeling." For the first time in ages, while looking into his green eyes and stroking his black fur, I actually felt a tinge of love - even if it was for just a cat.
Yikes! Am I that far gone? Have I forgotten what it's like to feel the emotion of love? I'm not talking about the love of country, the love of kids, the love of God, love of some TV show, love of some book, or love of your favorite chocolate whether it be white, dark, or milky. I'm talking about the honest real-life emotion of love. When I felt a tinge of it the other day, I realized that it's been gone...gone...gone...woooooh....in my life for far too long. I'm almost to the point that the emotion is a complete stranger to me in many ways.
I really do miss the chance to love a man. Interesting article recently on WebMD about how romantic love affects your brain like a drug. Please, I want some! Let me be addicted! I'm going through withdrawals, that's my problem! Here's the article: LINK
It states that being in love is like a painkiller. If that's true, then is being without love just a PAIN? I'm beginning to wonder and it's an interesting analogy. It's like that commercial about the latest anti-depressant, "Depressions Hurts." No kidding. So does the lack of love and too much loneliness, which can lead to depression.
Recently, I've been having bizarre dreams. Saturday I was in the arms of Jeremy Northam. Last night it was George Clooney, and this morning I woke up screaming at my ex-husband for stealing my bed frame and mattress. I'm about ready for a counseling session I think.
Are there answers? I use to think there were answers when I was young and 30, especially in my faith that God could fill those voids and be everything I needed. But now 40 years later into my faith and alone for 11, I don't see it that way. I believe that our creator (if you believe in one) made us as emotional human beings who said in the book of Genesis, "It's not good for man to be alone." He was right on with that statement. However, to take care of that problem, he didn't say sing to me, "I'm all you'll need." Instead, he created a help mate, a woman to be with a man. We were created as flesh and blood, and he stood back and said, "It is good."
Why I'm here in this state of life without the emotional drug of love I have no idea, nor the answers to that dilemma. It just seems that right now I'm here to say to others, I'm there with you!
If I'm never to be given the gift of love and marriage again, I hope God increases the dose of grace instead. Perhaps then, I might not be having hot dreams about movie stars and screaming at my ex-husband about stealing my bed and the woman he chose 40-years younger. If a black cat with green eyes is all I get for the rest of my life to feel that "lovin' feeling" again, perhaps I should be thankful. I'm trying.
Well, it's back to work. Thanks for letting me spill my guts once again. And, yes, I scared the crap out of my poor cat waking up screaming. He just put his black furry face into mine and reached out and touched me with his paw to make sure I was okay. Nice to have someone care, even if it's just a cat who rescued me.