Saturday, April 30, 2011

'Til Death Do You Part

Yesterday, like 2 billion viewers on the face of the planet, I was glued to the television from 3:30 a.m. and then the Internet and TV programs throughout the day.  It was April 29, 2011 - the day of the Royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, now the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.  Needless to say I was enthralled over the occasion and cried now and then over the entire fairytale unfolding before my eyes.

I just returned from London 10 days prior, and walked through the same doors of Westminster Abbey the royal party and bride and groom entered in and out of yesterday, without the red carpet.  Surreal to say the least, as well as having walked the wedding route and down the Mall to Buckingham Palace to stand by the gate and gawk at the opulent structure.

The lavish wedding was breathtaking to say the least  Catherine has such poise, and the couple look as if they are a perfect match - a match made in heaven that perhaps this time will last.  As I watched the 700,000 plus people choke the streets of London and proceed down to Buckingham to witness the infamous first kiss, I couldn't help but be moved by the joy of the occasion and the well wishes for a happy and successful marriage.  

Sigh...a fairytale indeed, that I think most people wish for nowadays.  We need more fairytales, don't we?  It was hard not to backtrack my life to 28 years ago to the day I wed.  How many of us divorcees that went through the preparations of weddings, dresses, cake orders, churches, rehearsals, receptions, and photographs not relate to that day when we thought we were living our fairytale and our happily ever after moment?  :raise hands please:  

I think half of my tears shed yesterday were part of joy and well wishes for Kate and William and at least one bucket of those tears were remorse that my beautiful day of October 22, 1983 has somehow faded into obscurity.  All that remains is a life alone, and memories of my smoking hot body and beautiful dress once featured in Bride's Magazine.  I was a princess for a day, and I think all brides feel that upon their wedding day, as we walk the aisle to what we perceive as our prince charming (though he may turn out one day to be a frog).

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, except wading through a lake of nostalgia over the past and things lost.  It does, however, remind me of the sanctity of marriage and the symbolism of a man and a woman becoming husband and wife.  The Bible states marriage is a symbol of how Christ loves His church - an eternal bond with the foundation of one laying down his life for another. 
" Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her."  (Ephesians 5:25)  And ". . . the wife must respect her husband."  (Ephesians 5:33)  
Are these two verses of advice really the key to a happy marriage? I'm inclined to think they hold an important key, because women long for love and men need respect to find happiness and wholeness.  When those two elements in a marriage begin to fade, the problems begin.

So here we are, my single readers!  I'm not sure how many of you are divorced with failed marriages nor am I sure how many of you have never been married and wish to have your fairytale day like Catherine.   However, yesterday, at least for me, put the emphasis back on the very important and eternal matter of the need for happily ever after in all of our lives.  I sincerely pray that William and Catherine enjoy a blessed life together, for no doubt they represent a yearning in many of our lives for love and beauty. 

We don't need to be royalty or have riches to be happy in life, but we all need to be loved and respected.  If we give those two gifts, we can give our spouses true riches that last for eternity.  I have no idea if the gift of marriage, as I've called it before, waits for me somewhere down another path.  Though I've arrived at times, too, of finally being at peace with my situation, it doesn't mean that the longing to be loved and the opportunity to respect a husband doesn't reside deep within the recesses of my heart somewhere, because it does.  I don't think that desire will ever die, because for me that's where my fairytale lies, and it's an unfulfilled page in the book of my life.

Wishing each and every one of you, and William and Catherine too, a happily ever after.

Vicki

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Another Holiday

Woke up this morning on a rainy Easter morning thinking of the day ahead. Yesterday it was 70 degrees and sunny, but today is another story with clouds and rain.

Once again, as I hit a holiday, I am reminded of my childhood. Christmas brought its own set of memories to mind, and now I'm reliving my Easters for some reason.

I grew up on an era where Easter was incorporated into society without any qualms. I distinctly remember that on Good Friday the stores in Detroit, Michigan would close from the hours of Noon to 3:00 p.m. in honor of Christ's suffering on the cross. After 3:00 p.m., the suffering would have ended, so we could go shopping again or back to work. Most work places were quite understanding of religious beliefs too and let employees off during those hours to go to church. On Easter Sunday, the stores were closed. Boy, have things changed!

As far as family matters, getting a new dress for Easter was always a big deal. With the new dress came a new hat, gloves, shoes, and a purse. We didn't always go to church every Sunday, but we sure went for Easter. It was the one day I always got to dress up like a pretty little princess.

For some odd reason I always remember sunny warm Easter Sundays, with pictures taken outside on the front porch or in the backyard. We'd go off to church, and then come home for a huge family dinner of ham, which my mother always cooked. Sometimes we would spend it with one of her brothers (she had four), for a family affair where we all got together to celebrate the day.

I suppose my vivid memories that bring such pleasure of happy days with families is an important reminder to me, as I take care of my granddaughter, that building memories for her as a child will be important too. Growing up in stable homes with love is important to become a well-rounded individual as adults.

Yet as I look back upon my childhood memories, I'm still faced with the fact that I'm not sharing it with a significant other during this time of my life. In fact, I was thinking yesterday that it's been 12 years now since my life changed to "single." Even though I had one short serious relationship since that time, I don't seem to count it much anymore out of those 12 years since it didn't culminate in marriage.

I'm not sure where my readers are today or what Easter means to you. Of course, it is a religious holiday for Christians to commemorate the resurrection of Christ, but for others it's merely a day to celebrate that Spring has arrived and think of bunny rabbits, chocolate, and eggs.

However, deep within the meaning from religion to Spring lies a message that things that were once dead have a way of coming back to life again, whether it's a dead body in a grave or a bulb buried deep in the ground that now sprouts from the earth with new life. The flowers bloom, the trees push forth their leaves, and hay fever returns. It's nature's symbol to you that life goes on, even when we think it's dead.

Perhaps that's the message as singles we need to bring to our lives today, that though we have days that feel an awful lot like death - whether we're dead inside from the lack of companionship or dormant in hope that things will ever change - it doesn't necessarily mean it's for eternity. Life has a way of renewing itself.

The next time Spring comes back into your life, it could bloom into that man or woman you've been patiently or impatiently waiting for to save you from your solitude, or it might be a another type of bloom that brings to you grace for another year to survive alone.

Whatever blooms in your life this Easter, have a Happy Easter, dear readers. Happy Easter indeed.

Sincerely,
Vicki

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Search for Affirmation

Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter, are our social network mediums that take up much of my/our time. I often wonder why I spend hours sometimes, especially on Facebook, reading posts of my 888 friends on my personal page, most of whom I have no idea who they are. I have 670 on my Author Fan Page, which is nice. However, a ton of those aren't on my personal friend page. Needless to say, I'd be lying if I didn't confess I like the thought of over a thousand people that know my name and read my personal moans or news about my books.

What is it about social networking that drags us into its clutches? Frankly, I think it's a matter of affirmation. It seems people need to be known, to be seen, to be heard, to be friended, and to be an important part of a community in some sense. However, social networking over the Internet, as far as I'm concerned, has taken its toll on personal identification with others face to face. It's so much easier to sit behind my computer screen and click page by page looking for affirmation than to risk being rejected in person.

As singles who are alone in so many ways, I really believe there is a deep need in each of us to search out affirmation of some kind for our existence. There isn't the other half in our life to give us that affirmation. There's no spouse standing by our side, putting their arm around us to comfort and encourage. We're an island all by ourselves, begging to be known and to be seen. We search for affirmation that we as human beings possess worth, even in the strangest places.

I can't tell you how often I wish for a mate and how lonely I get not having someone to share my life with. Recently, I've been bugging my 26-year old son to pick up one of my books and read one. Why? I have an overwhelming need to be known, and that's a part of me he doesn't know nor does he understand. It's the creative part of my soul that writes my thoughts, beliefs, desires, and longings into stories that I pen. Actually, it's a very important part of who I am as a person. However, he's not much of a reader, and I don't think anytime soon he will pick one of my books out and find out who his mother really is as a person.

Writing, however, for me does give me some sense of affirmation in my life. It's about the only thing that affirms to me that I have worth in some area. When I receive an email or a post on Facebook about how my work touched someone's heart, I feel needed. Somehow the universe aligns, and I know my place for a brief moment, even if I'm standing in that universe as a single without a man at my side loving the real Vicki.

However, even through that affirmation in my life I receive as an author, I still find that deep longing and emptiness in my soul to be one with another human. I love the thought of blending the very essence of who I am with a man, and that man blending the very essence of who he is with me. Even though sex brings together the physical oneness (as great as that is), it's the oneness in soul that I think is the deepest satisfaction of any relationship. Yet, here we are, together on this blog, as singles - one soul alone seeking affirmation among a society that we are worth loving.

I guess I'll just keep penning my thoughts and dreaming what it would be like to blend myself into another soul. It's a glory I've only known briefly once in my life, but it was undoubtedly the most glorious moments of affirmation I've ever known. It was unconditional love between two people.

In closing, I guess I'll continue to look in other places for the big A. And if you get a chance, move over your mouse to the right a few inches and LIKE my author page on Facebook. You'll fill my need for affirmation.

Sincerely,
Vicki

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Single Humor

I apologize for being MIA for a few months, but as you know, my granddaughter and son came to live with me.  While my son works (he goes up to the arctic circle on the pipelines), I'm the full-time caregiver for the little one.  Frankly, folks, it wears me out, but I'm hanging in there.

In the meantime, I got a cold that turned into pneumonia within a few days.  I was pretty much toast for a week or more.  I'm about to go on vacation too for eight nights in London, so I'm looking forward to the break.

Now that I'm done apologizing, I will try and get back to writing after I come home from my trip.  In the meantime, I came across this recently thanks to someone who posted it on Facebook.  Looks like it's made the rounds for a while, but it was new to me.  In case you haven't seen it, I thought all you frustrated single women out there might enjoy it.  All I can say to her comments is...Amen!  I had a good laugh.

Cheers,
Vicki