Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Search for Affirmation

Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter, are our social network mediums that take up much of my/our time. I often wonder why I spend hours sometimes, especially on Facebook, reading posts of my 888 friends on my personal page, most of whom I have no idea who they are. I have 670 on my Author Fan Page, which is nice. However, a ton of those aren't on my personal friend page. Needless to say, I'd be lying if I didn't confess I like the thought of over a thousand people that know my name and read my personal moans or news about my books.

What is it about social networking that drags us into its clutches? Frankly, I think it's a matter of affirmation. It seems people need to be known, to be seen, to be heard, to be friended, and to be an important part of a community in some sense. However, social networking over the Internet, as far as I'm concerned, has taken its toll on personal identification with others face to face. It's so much easier to sit behind my computer screen and click page by page looking for affirmation than to risk being rejected in person.

As singles who are alone in so many ways, I really believe there is a deep need in each of us to search out affirmation of some kind for our existence. There isn't the other half in our life to give us that affirmation. There's no spouse standing by our side, putting their arm around us to comfort and encourage. We're an island all by ourselves, begging to be known and to be seen. We search for affirmation that we as human beings possess worth, even in the strangest places.

I can't tell you how often I wish for a mate and how lonely I get not having someone to share my life with. Recently, I've been bugging my 26-year old son to pick up one of my books and read one. Why? I have an overwhelming need to be known, and that's a part of me he doesn't know nor does he understand. It's the creative part of my soul that writes my thoughts, beliefs, desires, and longings into stories that I pen. Actually, it's a very important part of who I am as a person. However, he's not much of a reader, and I don't think anytime soon he will pick one of my books out and find out who his mother really is as a person.

Writing, however, for me does give me some sense of affirmation in my life. It's about the only thing that affirms to me that I have worth in some area. When I receive an email or a post on Facebook about how my work touched someone's heart, I feel needed. Somehow the universe aligns, and I know my place for a brief moment, even if I'm standing in that universe as a single without a man at my side loving the real Vicki.

However, even through that affirmation in my life I receive as an author, I still find that deep longing and emptiness in my soul to be one with another human. I love the thought of blending the very essence of who I am with a man, and that man blending the very essence of who he is with me. Even though sex brings together the physical oneness (as great as that is), it's the oneness in soul that I think is the deepest satisfaction of any relationship. Yet, here we are, together on this blog, as singles - one soul alone seeking affirmation among a society that we are worth loving.

I guess I'll just keep penning my thoughts and dreaming what it would be like to blend myself into another soul. It's a glory I've only known briefly once in my life, but it was undoubtedly the most glorious moments of affirmation I've ever known. It was unconditional love between two people.

In closing, I guess I'll continue to look in other places for the big A. And if you get a chance, move over your mouse to the right a few inches and LIKE my author page on Facebook. You'll fill my need for affirmation.