All right, let's get real. I've never really talked much about this subject the entire time I've had this blog. It's the "S" word, and frankly, I can't seem to remember what it's like to have any.
I will be very frank that it's been a 13-year drought for me. If I had the chance to stand before God, I would look at him and say, "Are you joking? Thirteen freaking years and no sex? How much longer is this torture going to go on?"
He'd no doubt snicker and shrug His shoulders. As you can see, I'm dealing with a tad bit of anger over unanswered prayer. As far as I'm concerned, it's cruel sadistic torture.
It would be one thing if I were not a sex-driven woman, but I'm not. Passion is my middle name. I've always been on sex overload. Why do you think I write romance novels during this drought? I'm creating a fantasy land and men in my mind, because I have no reality. I'm frankly to the point that it's been so long since a man has touched me, that I'm feeling starved and it's causing problems. Mostly, that I can't stop thinking about s.e.x., which no doubt feeds my need. It doesn't matter how old you are, believe me.
Recently, I decided to jump back into the counselor chair because I'm having trouble dealing with my singleness that keeps going on and on like the energizer bunny. At my age now, I'm pretty much convinced any chance for a loving relationship in my life before they put me six feet under has passed me by. My hope is gone. My faith is dead. However, my body is alive, and my desires are real, and I can't shut them off.
So how do we deal with a sexless life as a single? Oh, I could go places with that question, but I'll pass. I've toyed with paying for it. I've fantasized over it. I watch movies and cry over it. I get aroused thinking about it. Yet, I don't have any of it. Not that any of you out there have that problem, right?
This is a post with NO answers. It's a post of honesty and frustration. Just imagine me pointing my finger at you. "Hey you! You're not alone!" Well maybe you are, but you're not alone in being alone and struggling with the stuff that makes us humans and single.
I'll let you know if my counselor has any answers. Probably not, but what the hell, my insurance coverage gives me six free sessions so I'm taking advantage of it.